A little boy's first day in school and a teacher was going to play a "guessing" game. She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received. When it was the new boy, Johnny's turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss. She asked " Do you know what it is?" Johnny replied "No." The teacher said, "Go ahead and open it up and taste it." Little Johnny did so. The teacher then asked, "Now do you know what it is?" Little Johnny said "Noooo." The teacher said, "I'll give you a hint....it is something your daddy wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work." A little girl in the back of the class jumps up and screams.
"JOHNNY, SPIT IT OUT..........IT'S A PIECE OF ASS!"
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "Fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly said, "My family went to my granddaddy's farm, and we saw all his pet sheep. It was fascinating.
The teacher said, "That's good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate"
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well that was good Sally, but I want the word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Little Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, " My cousin's wife has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight."
The teacher fainted..................
Little Johnny watched his Daddy's car pass by the school playground and into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
He found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat. Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was
in the Army."
Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning:
"Ohh, I need a bike! Ahh, I need a bike!"