Christmas Song
Twas the night before christmas.
And all though the house, everyone felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom on the toilet, dad smoking grass, I had just settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When I heard such a clatter, I spang from my piece to see whats a matter.
When out on the roof I saw some old prick.
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
He came down the Chimney like a bad out of hell.
I knew in a moment that fucker had fell.
He filled the stockings with whiskey and beer, and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thundering fart.
I new that that fucker a blown my chimney apart.
He Swore and he cused as he rode out of sigh.
Piss on yall its been a hell of a Night
T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ass for damn near a year.
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night...
The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny.
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days - they all are the pits.
They want the impossible ...Those mean little shits.
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads,
I made a ton of yoyo's - No request for them...
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM.
Flying through the air...dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment.
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason...
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
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