Q) How many Women does it takes to change a light bulb?|
A) 11, 10 to form a support group, and one to get her boyfriend to do it.
Q)How many female activist does it take to change a light bulb?
A)2, One to do it, and one to bitch about it.
In the time before time, Adam and Eve had sex for first time ever. After their lustful act was over, Eve went to the stream to clean herself up. As she is washing up, she hears a big booming voice coming from Heavens above.
"For God's sake Eve, how am I going to get that smell out of the fish now?!"
A woman woke up and told her husband of about her last night's dream. "I was at an auction for dicks. The big ones sold for $1,000 and the tiny ones for $10."
The husband says, "What about one my size?"
His wife responds, "Didn't get a bid," and then laughs to herself.
The husband wants revenge, so the next morning he tells his wife about his dream last night. "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight one's sold for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10."
His wife says, "What about ones like mine?"
The husband smiles and says, "That's where they held the auction."
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES . . . $50.00." A policeman seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time another car passed with a sign saying "Jesus Saves." They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "well, that's a little different it pertains to religion." So they took their sign down and the next day there they were, driving around town with a new sign which said, "l;Two Angels Seeking Peter . . . $50.00."
Q)What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Q: Why did God invent yeast infections?
A: So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt!
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"F*ck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"
How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
Q: What's the useless skin around a vagina called?
A: The woman.
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.
Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.
The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle."